Growing up I never fit in. Being from a small town certainly didn’t help. I felt different than everyone around me. So much so, that as a grade 10 student, at the ripe age of 15, I switched from the French school system to the local English high school. It was a bold move to make at such a young age. It didn’t help. I still didn’t feel like I fit in.

Off to university I went. It was at uni when I also started playing rugby – a game that has been the key aspect of my life for nearly 30 years. I met some of “My People” who have had a massive impact in my life. They are still in my life. Although we are scattered all over the world, we are still connected, and I know they would show up for me if called upon.

My late twenties and early thirties were about finding myself and going through some really challenging times with major home issues, a significant break-up and coming to the realization that people who I thought were my friends, weren’t. I coined this life cleanse as “dropping the dead weight.” I made tons of room for other people to enter. And a few did. Real gems.

Sisters.

It wasn’t until my forties, however, when I really started to grow. A new friend came into my life – a soulmate, really – and helped me see things around me that I had never considered. More importantly, they validated things about me that no one ever had. I am different and that’s ok. That’s it. That’s the revelation. I’m not the type to fit in. It took nearly a half century to be ok with being different. But being told this was huge. HUGE.

A book about friendship was recommended to me in 2021. It is called Big Friendship – How We Keep Each Other Close by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman. There has not been much research on platonic friendships – most research involves familial and romantic relationships. It is a must read. Truly. Here are some points by Sow and Friedman – two soulmates who share a Big Friendship:

• We can learn so much about someone by the way they talk about their friends.
• When things go wrong for one friend, the other loyally and dependably steps up to offer support.
• SHINE THEORY: I don’t shine if you don’t shine. It’s about sharing power, not hoarding it.
• A healthy friendship involves stretching in both directions… The amount of stretching doesn’t have to feel equal in every single moment – sometimes one person will require more from the friendship than the other – but over time, the give has to even out with the take.
• The real Big Friendship goal is just to stay in it – keep showing up – boiled down to 3 main things: 1. ritual 2. assurances 3. openness

Find this person. They will save you one day. Promise.