I watched a TedTalk a few years ago and for the life of me I cannot recall the name of it. It started with the following question:

What’s the worse feeling in the world?

The answer?

Regret

Research will confirm that most people feel regret for not doing something. I fell upon Daniel Pink’s TedTalk where he shares the following about regret. According to Pink, all regrets fall into four categories:

1. Foundation regrets: “if only I had done the work” e.g. not working hard enough in school, not saving enough money, not eating right

2. Boldness regrets: “if only I had taken the chance” e.g. not asking someone out, not starting a business, not speaking up

3. Moral regrets: “if only I had done the right thing” e.g. bullying, having a marital affair

4. Connection regrets: “if only I had reached out” e.g. falling/drifting apart of relationships (family, romantic, friends)

Are foundation regrets connected to maturity? Effort levels? And can you change the outcomes of a foundation regret at one point in your life? Can you learn to live without regret if you start working harder in school, saving money, eating right? Can you reverse or “undo” foundation regrets?

Boldness regrets are connected to taking risks. If you are someone who is risk-averse, are you less likely to step out or step up about something? Will you have to live with more regret than someone who is more willing to step out of their comfort zone? And would you want to change that? If so, how?

We all make mistakes. We are human. Moral regrets seem, for the most part, unavoidable. Am I right? As we mature, do we have fewer moral regrets? Or, rather, do our moral regrets increase as we mature and better understand consequences?

Of the four categories, connection regrets might be the most avoidable. Maintaining connection with someone does not take much effort. It ties back to showing up, doesn’t it?

Pink also mentions the following:

If we can identity what people regret the most, it paints a picture of what they value most.

Read that again.

What do you most value?

4 Kinds of Regret – and What They Teach You about Yourself | Daniel H. Pink | TED