“People come in and out of your life for a season, reason or a lifetime.”

– Brian A. Chalker.

In Grade 10 English, I had to write a speech; it was entitled “Friends.” In it, I described the difference between 3 types of people in your life: friends, buddies, and acquaintances. In short, friends show up, buddies are people to spend time with and share casual connections, acquaintances are surface relationships. I think my categories of relationships feel in line, somewhat, with Brian’s.

As I have aged (matured?), I’ve come to accept wholeheartedly that relationships change as people change – be it relationships with colleagues, family and friends, romantic partners. My worst nightmare is waking up tomorrow the same person that I am today. With growth comes change. How could I be surrounded by the same people I was in my teens, twenties, thirties or even forties?

Are you?

With personal growth and lived experience comes a greater capacity to build one’s self-awareness and a heightened sense of awareness, to read red flags. With time and careful observation, comes a greater capacity to build better connections and keep your distance from harm. If assigned to write the same speech today, I’d say there are 3 types of people in your life:

1. Those who helped you in difficult times.
2. Those who left you in difficult times.
3. Those who put you in difficult times.

They all have/had a place in your life, at a specific time. All these types of people helped you grow, no matter how painful. Unfortunately, pain is part of the process. Pain is part of growing (up).

In chatting to a mental health expert (my therapist), we discussed relationships. They shared that a loss of relationship can be traumatic for some which can cause people to act in threatening ways. Loss of relationships can even lead to skewed perceptions based on past trauma and not current trauma/loss. That explained a lot for me. It helped me better understand how some people react to loss. This solidified for me that we need to accept change, and loss. Life moves forward. Things end. And that’s ok. Embrace change.

“Every new beginning comes from the beginnings end.”

– Seneca (ca. 4 BC – 65 AD)